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Today I took Kif to the vet for his annual checkup. He's had some lumps, mostly on his torso, but they've always been dismissed as fatty deposits. Today the vet wanted to aspirate several of them, and she found cancer cells in one. Four hours of me in total anguish later, tests indicate that the growth is a histiocytoma, which is a non-threatening tumor of the immune system. So he's good, he has to have steroid cream applied to the spot every day until it goes away, but my little guy is okay and I'm so grateful.
Today I took Kif to the vet for his annual checkup. He's had some lumps, mostly on his torso, but they've always been dismissed as fatty deposits. Today the vet wanted to aspirate several of them, and she found cancer cells in one. Four hours of me in total anguish later, tests indicate that the growth is a histiocytoma, which is a non-threatening tumor of the immune system. So he's good, he has to have steroid cream applied to the spot every day until it goes away, but my little guy is okay and I'm so grateful.
Yesterday I drove down with my father to see my 92-year-old grandfather, a 600 mile journey through Georgia and Florida that should take about nine and a half hours but always takes at least eleven. I woke up at like one am the morning of with a seriously sore throat, swollen lymph nodes, and packed sinuses. Long story short, I am apparently experiencing a rebound cold, and it made the trip down here suck even more. We can never fly, though; I feel like flying keeps getting more expensive and the experience more unpleasant. How does an industry like that survive?
Christmas was good, fairly low key. Food and family and presents. My parents got me a necklace with a charm that is an engraving of Oz's paw print (apparently collecting said paw print was lol-arious), and that gave me The Most Feels. Since we drove to Florida, the boys came with us, which I enjoy. Last time we were here, Oz got to go on the boat! He is a sailor. He sails.
I am getting tons of wonderful feedback from Yuletide, and my heart grows three sizes. Reminder that if you correctly guess one of my five stories (two in the main archive, three in Madness), you win a prize!
I need to get back to sleep, but my face feels like it's full of cement. Ugh.
intermission
Aug. 13th, 2017 10:58 pmMy mood has been really good/even since we changed my dose of Lamictal, but I just sobbed for about ten minutes because of how precious dogs are and how much I love mine and what I'll do when they leave me, so thank you, bipolar disorder, for reminding me that the crazy is still there, with me at all times, waiting.
Also at first I was sleeping really well (possibly too much), and now I haven't slept more than two hours a night since Wednesday and today I literally lay in bed for two hours because I am So. Tired., so I think there are some kinks to be worked out.
Also at first I was sleeping really well (possibly too much), and now I haven't slept more than two hours a night since Wednesday and today I literally lay in bed for two hours because I am So. Tired., so I think there are some kinks to be worked out.
clem part II
Aug. 3rd, 2017 11:45 pmI was diligent, and thankfully today was not an Awful Pain Day, so I was able to finish my portrait of Clementine.
I am really pleased with how it turned out, although things did not go as planned. First of all, Sharpies straight on canvas with no buffer is a terrible and unfun thing. It took forever, the nibs kept getting clogged with the stuff that treats the canvas, and so every few minutes you have to stop what you're doing to clean the nib. I tried hatching for shading and it looked ATROCIOUS, so instead of using a neutral watercolor wash as I'd planned, I bought charcoal and sanguine so I could fix the shading, and just did all the tinting with that. It was a much more expensive approach than the one I'd planned (I also had to buy new markers for the canvas; they were expensive, but they also worked 100 times better.), but I am thrilled with the result. I am going to try to mail it tomorrow. I talked to her yesterday, and she is understandably distraught and withdrawn. I hope this helps, if only for a moment.
clem pt. I
Aug. 1st, 2017 12:08 amMy dear friend had to put to sleep her 14 year old dog today. Of course, she is in keen pain, and she's withdrawing into herself and doesn't want to talk, so I am doing what I can for her and making her a present. When my sister's beloved Pansy died, I sent Ashley all sorts of presents: comforting books about grieving a pet, a photo album of the two of them and their time together. I also painted her a portrait. I've also painted living pets for family members, and I have done some memorial drawings of lost pets, and these things seem to mean a lot to the animals' people, so I thought I would do a portrait of Clementine for Jenny.
I sketched it out on a medium sized canvas (I think it's 16x20) imagining I would paint it like I did Pansy's, but something about that just felt wrong. I considered copic markers, but I don't know how they'll perform on canvas, I don't have much experience using them, and I don't have many colors. I thought about oil pastels, but they're messy and my set is packed in the garage somewhere.
After all this thought, I think I'm going to use Sharpie. I use Sharpie on top of acrylic to get precise details, so I am confident they'll do well on the medium and that I can use them well. It just feels more fitting, somehow, to render this portrait in strong, bold lines rather than soft, blended color. I think I will just use black, with maybe an understated wash on the background. (I probably will use paint for this, since I've never bled ink with alcohol before, and I don't want to fuck this up.) I did a really haphazard edit of the sketch on my phone for an idea of what I'm working towards.
I sketched it out on a medium sized canvas (I think it's 16x20) imagining I would paint it like I did Pansy's, but something about that just felt wrong. I considered copic markers, but I don't know how they'll perform on canvas, I don't have much experience using them, and I don't have many colors. I thought about oil pastels, but they're messy and my set is packed in the garage somewhere.
After all this thought, I think I'm going to use Sharpie. I use Sharpie on top of acrylic to get precise details, so I am confident they'll do well on the medium and that I can use them well. It just feels more fitting, somehow, to render this portrait in strong, bold lines rather than soft, blended color. I think I will just use black, with maybe an understated wash on the background. (I probably will use paint for this, since I've never bled ink with alcohol before, and I don't want to fuck this up.) I did a really haphazard edit of the sketch on my phone for an idea of what I'm working towards.
national mutt day
Jul. 31st, 2017 04:57 pm
Happy National Mutt Day to my big guy, my copilot, so often my reason for getting out of bed in the morning, my Ozborne. We adopted each other, and every single day I am thankful for the day I walked into the puppy room at @ywacpets and you hopped up to me on your hind legs, front paws reaching up to me, saying I CHOOSE YOU I CHOOSE YOU PLEASE CHOOSE ME TOO. Two weeks, and it will be 10 years of you and me, my mutt my love my boy.
kif's second training session
Jun. 15th, 2017 07:31 pmKif's second training session went much better! He took a while to get comfortable in the room and with the trainer, but then we were able to work on two new commands the trainer said they could use to introduce him to new people. The training room is next to the clinic, and Kif got distracted by the noises the dogs coming out of anesthesia were making, so our next class is Saturday morning when there aren't any surgeries. I'm so proud of him!
I won a free dog training session as part of a silent auction a few months ago. Oz was the simplest dog to train; he learned all sorts of things without much trouble. (He has a harder time picking up new tricks now that he's older, but he still consistently performs the things he learned as a puppy.) Kif is not. I know this sounds mean, but I think he might be dumb. I have had him for five years, and I have tried a lot harder than I did with Oz, and he only performs two commands without enormous effort on your part: Sit, and Go to Your Basket (his bed.) He will do plotz, but you have to show him what to do, putting the treat on the floor. Additionally, Oz has the best temperament. He is cool with people and other dogs, and I can take him anywhere and know he'll behave. We had lunch the other day on the patio of a local restaurant. He had cheese toast. He was an angel. I love taking him places, but I can't take Kif anywhere, because he's a nervous wreck. He is fine in the house and his own yard, but anywhere else he's terrified. He even freaks out in the car. It's not that I haven't tried. When we lived in Savannah, we went on walks to Forsyth Park (and beyond!) almost every day, and he never got any more comfortable with outings.
So I decided to use the certificate for Kif. When I called to set up the appointment, I explained that Kif needs help with basic commands, and that he's seriously shy and nervous. The trainer was understanding and put us in a small class so Kif could socialize and not get overwhelmed.
Boy was that wrong.
Saturday morning, I take Kif to his first class. I should mention just for set dressing that I had an awful headache, but it was too late to cancel. So we get to class early, because I go everywhere early and we had paperwork to do. Mistake. We get there, and the training room is full. Really full. I counted: Twenty people, including screaming children, and twelve dogs. It was loud and hectic and so fucking hot. I rarely sweat even when outside on hot days, but I was sweating there. It was sweltering. Kif freaked the fuck out; he scaled me until I was holding him in my arms. One of the trainers came up, and I said, "I thought this was a small class?!?" She told me it was playtime for the previous class, and that Kif's class had not started yet. I was still desperate to leave; it was absolutely miserable in there. I tried to keep my cool even though I was Very Agitated, but this woman began filming two dogs wrestling, laughing when they rolled on and stomped my purse and paperwork, and finally I lost it at her.
Me: Could you please get your dogs away from my things, which they are destroying?
She got defensive, saying she hadn't even noticed them trampling my stuff. Shall we roll the tape? Ugh, humans are the worst. Anyway. Finally the hell of puppy playtime ended. The room cleared out. Once there was no one left but us and the trainers, I let Kif down. It gets better from there, right? Oh, you. Bless your heart.
So, the trainers come out to introduce themselves to Kif. Kif is Not About That. He hid behind me. He jumped in my lap. He refused to even sniff the most delectable treats. Kif is the biggest chow hound, so this was pretty dire. Finally, one of the trainers went to the kitchen and found him some chicken, and he was tempted enough to take some nibbles and allow himself to be petted. That's as good as it got. We spent 45 minutes trying to get him comfortable, but he never got better than occasionally edging out from behind me to take a little bite of chicken.
"This is not going to work," one of the trainers told me. No shit. She comped that session, and said she'd give Kif private lessons for the same price, so I will be taking Kif back for one on one training on Thursday. Hopefully it will go well, and it can become a regular thing that makes him more confident and competent. Fingers crossed.
So I decided to use the certificate for Kif. When I called to set up the appointment, I explained that Kif needs help with basic commands, and that he's seriously shy and nervous. The trainer was understanding and put us in a small class so Kif could socialize and not get overwhelmed.
Boy was that wrong.
Saturday morning, I take Kif to his first class. I should mention just for set dressing that I had an awful headache, but it was too late to cancel. So we get to class early, because I go everywhere early and we had paperwork to do. Mistake. We get there, and the training room is full. Really full. I counted: Twenty people, including screaming children, and twelve dogs. It was loud and hectic and so fucking hot. I rarely sweat even when outside on hot days, but I was sweating there. It was sweltering. Kif freaked the fuck out; he scaled me until I was holding him in my arms. One of the trainers came up, and I said, "I thought this was a small class?!?" She told me it was playtime for the previous class, and that Kif's class had not started yet. I was still desperate to leave; it was absolutely miserable in there. I tried to keep my cool even though I was Very Agitated, but this woman began filming two dogs wrestling, laughing when they rolled on and stomped my purse and paperwork, and finally I lost it at her.
Me: Could you please get your dogs away from my things, which they are destroying?
She got defensive, saying she hadn't even noticed them trampling my stuff. Shall we roll the tape? Ugh, humans are the worst. Anyway. Finally the hell of puppy playtime ended. The room cleared out. Once there was no one left but us and the trainers, I let Kif down. It gets better from there, right? Oh, you. Bless your heart.
So, the trainers come out to introduce themselves to Kif. Kif is Not About That. He hid behind me. He jumped in my lap. He refused to even sniff the most delectable treats. Kif is the biggest chow hound, so this was pretty dire. Finally, one of the trainers went to the kitchen and found him some chicken, and he was tempted enough to take some nibbles and allow himself to be petted. That's as good as it got. We spent 45 minutes trying to get him comfortable, but he never got better than occasionally edging out from behind me to take a little bite of chicken.
"This is not going to work," one of the trainers told me. No shit. She comped that session, and said she'd give Kif private lessons for the same price, so I will be taking Kif back for one on one training on Thursday. Hopefully it will go well, and it can become a regular thing that makes him more confident and competent. Fingers crossed.
copic markers take one
May. 31st, 2017 07:51 pmMy sister got me some Copic markers for Christmas, and today I finally broke them out to play (I'm the worst, I know, but I have been feeling like utter shit for months on months on months.)
Anyway, it took longer with markers than doing the same portrait with Prismacolor pencils as I've been using, but damn look at that color! I NEED so many more colors, but I very happy with how they handle.
Miss Geraldine Jean, ragazzi.
Anyway, it took longer with markers than doing the same portrait with Prismacolor pencils as I've been using, but damn look at that color! I NEED so many more colors, but I very happy with how they handle.
Miss Geraldine Jean, ragazzi.
